Self Coaching for the Empty Nester

If you are not familiar with the concept of self-coaching, then welcome to this blog post! 

Self-coaching is the practice of managing your mind.  It is a tool that includes body and mind awareness (mindfulness), reflection, questioning and deciding.  

We learn to self-coach by checking in with our feelings.  Our feelings are a result of thoughts we have about a situation.  Situations are neutral.  They are not good or bad.  We just have thoughts about them.

This is a hard pill so swallow for most people.  They are convinced that a situation is good or bad.  A circumstance is what it is...it can be changed sometimes, but not in the past - only in the future.  

Did you know that you create your relationships with your thoughts?  All your feelings come from your thoughts.  Self-coaching is about recognizing that fact and practicing the awareness of your feelings, thoughts, actions and results.  Once you realize you have some control over your thinking, your life can change dramatically!

Here's an example for you - the empty nesting woman:

C = Circumstance (neutral) is My son left for college.  This is just reality.

T = Thought is (or could be) I am alone now.

F = Feeling is sad (some might say devastated).

A = Action is crying, lamenting in person, on Facebook, staying home, retreating

R = Result is still that I am still alone (maybe not the best outcome)

Here's how you might mindfully coach yourself through that:

C = Circumstance My son left for college.

T = Thought (you could try on) I have time for me now.

F = Feeling free, unencumbered

A = Action start a hew hobby, learn new things, join a meetup group

R = Result thriving.  (Notice how this lines up with the Thought line.)

Now, this is not to say there isn't a grieving period, because there definitely is.  Empty nesting is a tough transition.  It's just that if we want to thrive, we are going to try on new thoughts and get in the habit of noticing our feelings more.  When we tie our feelings to the thoughts behind them, there is a reality that shows up with which we can deal.  This gives us more control.

Listen, we can do hard things!  Life is hard.  We need to be resilient.  One way to be resilient is to practice self-coaching.  It is easier said than done.  It is a daily practice.  

I highly recommend learning how to self-coach - especially in the second half of life.  Also, I recommend getting a coach when you are stuck in life and need direction.  There are so many possibilities for us as mature women, that we need to re-think our circumstances every day and make new choices.

Get my free guide:  Quick Path to Finding Your Self as an Empty Nester

Reach out if you need some help!  Click the image below to schedule a coaching consult with me.  I can teach you this skill so you get real good at it.