The Power of Intention: How to Create the Marriage You Desire

When my husband and I got married over 38 years ago, we had been dating for eight years.  We knew each other very well.  We had a deep friendship, chemistry, and a desire to spend a lot of time together.  Neither one of us wanted to experience the pain of divorce.  Many members of my own family had been divorced already.  

We went into our marriage with the intention of staying together...to work things out if they got difficult.  You know the vows...for richer or poorer, in sickness and health...till death do us part.  It's a promise.  We both took it seriously.  But we also have a sense of humor, and that is one of the greatest things holding us together.  You have to have a sense of humor!  

So what is the secret to couples who stay deeply in love after decades together?  

I think it’s intention.

A thriving marriage doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not about luck, and it’s certainly not about waiting for things to magically “get better.” It’s about choosing—every single day—to create the marriage you want.

In midlife, it’s easy to drift into autopilot. The kids are grown, careers may be shifting, and the distractions of everyday life can leave a relationship feeling stagnant. But here’s the truth: Your marriage is always moving in a direction. The question is—are you guiding it, or are you letting it happen by default?

The power of intention is about deliberate, conscious effort in the areas that matter most: results, actions, time, communication, and connection. Let’s dive into how being intentional can transform your marriage.

1. Get Clear on the Results You Want in Your Marriage

Before you can create the marriage you desire, you have to define what that looks like. What does a thriving, connected, passionate relationship mean to you?

Take a moment and reflect on these questions:

• How do I want to feel in my marriage every day?
• What kind of communication do I want to have with my spouse?
• How do I want us to handle conflict?
• What role does fun, adventure, and intimacy play in our relationship?
• If my marriage was exactly how I wanted it to be, what would be different from today?

Clarity creates direction. When you know what you want, you can start making choices that align with that vision.

2. Take Intentional Actions that Support Your Ideal Marriage

Once you’re clear on what you want, the next step is action. It’s easy to assume that love should “just happen,” but the strongest marriages are built on consistent, intentional effort.

Think about the actions that would bring your ideal marriage to life.

• If you want more appreciation in your relationship—start expressing gratitude regularly.
• If you want more connection—initiate deeper conversations and meaningful time together.
• If you want better communication—practice listening with an open heart more often.
• If you want more intimacy—create moments of physical and emotional closeness instead of waiting for the “perfect” moment.

The love you want starts with the love you give.

3. Be Intentional with Your Time

One of the biggest mistakes couples make in midlife is assuming that because they’ve been together for years, they don’t need to put in the same level of effort. But time together doesn’t automatically equal quality time.

Ask yourself:

• When was the last time we went on a date (without talking about the kids or work)?
• Do we spend more time on our phones or with each other?
• How often do we create experiences that bring us joy as a couple?

It doesn’t have to be extravagant, but intentional time together nourishes a thriving marriage. Schedule date nights, plan activities you both enjoy, and make space for laughter and connection.

4. Communicate with Purpose and Presence

Communication is the foundation of every strong relationship, but in midlife, it’s easy to slip into surface-level conversations. Instead of waiting for your spouse to change how they communicate, be intentional about how you show up in conversations.

• Listen fully. Instead of formulating your response while your spouse is talking, focus on truly hearing them.
• Speak with clarity and kindness. Express your needs and feelings without blame or criticism.
• Be curious. Ask your spouse deeper questions about their thoughts, dreams, and experiences. Even after years together, there’s still more to learn about each other.  I'm still learning things about my husband I didn't know before.

Great communication doesn’t happen by accident—it happens by choice.

5. Align Your Actions with Your Intentions

This is where many people struggle. They set intentions, but their actions don’t follow through. If you say you want a more connected marriage, but you continue prioritizing work, social media, or distractions over your spouse, your actions are not aligned with your desires.

Here’s a simple way to check yourself:

At the end of each day, ask:
“Did my actions today reflect the kind of marriage I want to create?”

If the answer is no, don’t beat yourself up—just adjust. Small, consistent shifts will lead to massive transformation over time.

Final Thought: Your Marriage Is a Reflection of Your Choices

A thriving marriage isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about the small, daily choices to show up with love, to listen with intention, to invest in your connection, and to keep growing together.

You have the power to create the marriage you desire. The only question is—are you ready to be intentional about it?

What’s one small action you can take today to move your marriage closer to thriving?

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