Thriving or Just Surviving?

A Midlife Marriage Assessment

Marriage is a journey—one that evolves over time, especially in midlife. The kids grow up, careers shift, and priorities change. One day, you wake up and realize that your relationship is no longer what it used to be. Maybe it feels like you and your spouse are just coexisting, managing life’s responsibilities but missing the deep connection you once had.

If you’ve ever wondered, Is this all there is?—you’re not alone. The good news? A thriving marriage is still possible, no matter how many years you’ve been together. The first step is awareness—understanding where your marriage stands today so you can take intentional steps toward the relationship you desire.

This assessment is designed to help you reflect on the health of your marriage and identify areas that may need a little extra attention.

The Three Stages of a Midlife Marriage

Before diving into the assessment, let’s talk about the three common stages of a marriage in midlife:

1. Surviving

• You feel more like roommates than partners.
• Conversations revolve around logistics (bills, schedules, kids).
• Conflict is either frequent or avoided altogether.
• Emotional and physical intimacy feels like a thing of the past.

2. Maintaining

• You function well as a team but lack deep connection.
• There’s little to no major conflict, but also not much excitement.
• You still love each other, but the spark has dimmed.
• You’re in a comfortable routine, but the relationship feels stagnant.

3. Thriving

• You feel emotionally connected, seen, and valued.
• Communication is open, honest, and meaningful.
• You invest time and energy into your relationship.
• Your intimacy—both emotional and physical—is strong and fulfilling.

Where do you see your marriage right now? If you're not where you want to be, don't worry—awareness is the first step toward change.

The Midlife Marriage Self-Assessment

Take a moment to reflect on these questions. Rate each statement from 1 to 5 (1 = Strongly Disagree, 5 = Strongly Agree).  Please rate, add up, and do the math, because you will be able to interpret your score below.

Communication & Connection

• We have meaningful conversations beyond daily responsibilities.
• I feel emotionally connected to my spouse.
• We actively listen to each other without distractions.
• We handle difficult conversations with respect and understanding.

Intimacy & Affection

• We express love and affection regularly (hugs, kisses, kind words).
• Our physical intimacy is fulfilling and not just routine.
• We flirt, have fun, and create moments of joy together.
• I feel desired and valued in our relationship.

Shared Growth & Goals

• We make decisions together and respect each other’s perspectives.
• We have shared interests or activities that keep us connected.
• We support each other’s personal growth and goals.
• We talk about our future and make plans together.

Conflict & Problem-Solving

• We work through disagreements without resentment or blame.
• We see challenges as opportunities to strengthen our relationship.
• We forgive and move forward rather than holding onto past hurts.
• We know how to navigate conflict in a way that deepens our connection.

Joy & Partnership

• We laugh together often.
• We prioritize time together, even when life is busy.
• Our home feels peaceful and supportive.
• We celebrate each other’s successes and milestones.

Interpreting Your Score

• 80–100 points: Your marriage is in a great place! Keep nurturing what you have and continue growing together.
• 50–79 points: Your marriage is stable but could use intentional effort to reignite connection and intimacy. Small, consistent changes can make a huge difference!
• 49 or below: Your relationship may be in survival mode. This is not a sign of failure, but a wake-up call for transformation.

Wherever you landed, know this: marriage is a living, evolving relationship—it’s never too late to create something better.

What’s Next? Steps to Move Toward a Thriving Marriage

If your marriage isn’t where you want it to be, don’t lose hope. Small, intentional shifts can lead to profound changes. Here are some ways to get started:

✅ Prioritize Connection – Set aside dedicated time for deep conversations, fun activities, and shared experiences.
✅ Express Gratitude Daily – Notice and appreciate the little things your spouse does. A simple “thank you” can go a long way.
✅ Reignite Playfulness – Flirt, laugh, and bring lightness back into your relationship.
✅ Create a Vision Together – What do you both want in this next chapter of life? Dream together and make plans.
✅ Seek Guidance if Needed – Coaching, retreats, or even books can provide fresh insights and tools for deepening your relationship.

A thriving marriage isn’t about perfection—it’s about intentional love, ongoing growth, and choosing each other every single day.

Final Thought: Your Marriage, Your Choice

You are not stuck in your marriage. You have the power to shape it, strengthen it, and bring it back to life. Whether your relationship is just surviving or somewhere in between, the key to transformation starts with awareness and action.

What’s one small shift you can make today to move your marriage closer to thriving?

Grab my Midlife Marriage Check-In Assessment which is a little different than this one.